It’s the one feeling I never had growing up.” “There’s one thing I’ve been striving for all my life: with sex, with writing, with surfing, with partying, with anything and everything. In fact, all thinking will do is lead you away from the truth and soon you’ll be back in your head, groping with a penlight in the dark again.” That’s when you see the truth so clearly and unmistakably that you don’t have to think about it. Real intelligence is when your mind and your heart connect. But that’s not intelligence: It’s just information and interpretation. “I used to think that intelligence came from books and knowledge and rational thought. Or you can realize that ultimately it’s all a distraction to avoid the harsh reality that you are not connected to yourself.”” “So ultimately, you can live your life like a hamster on a wheel, chasing after the next hit to keep yourself spinning. ““I’d be willing to bet that after the high of the intensity, there’s a comedown, and you feel not so great and you need that next hit of intensity,” Lorraine responds coolly. “Someone who fears intimacy thinks, unconsciously, If you knew who I actually was, you’d leave me.”” ““Intimacy problems come from a lack of self-love,” she continues. “So the theory of sex addiction is that when you feel out of control or disempowered, you sneak around and act out sexually to reestablish control and regain your sense of self.”” ““Being overcontrolled as a child sets you up to lie as an adult,” she concludes. That way, we don’t have to feel the shame behind it.”” To survive painful beliefs and feelings, we often mask them with anger. So what kind of person rewards someone’s love with lies, betrayal, and pain? A selfish person. Maybe a parent or two if we’re lucky, perhaps a couple of previous partners. “In this life, we don’t meet many people who truly love us, who accept us for who we are, who put us before themselves. And when you finally go too far and hurt Ingrid, all it’s going to do is reinforce your original belief that you’re not worthy of love.” So you try to escape from that feeling by conquering new women. If you ever want to be truly happy in this lifetime, you have to recognize that you’re using sex like a drug to fill a hole. “So if you were so happy with this other woman and so unhappy with your wife, why didn’t you just get divorced?”” “Perhaps marriage is like buying a house: You plan to spend the rest of your life there, but sometimes you want to move- or at least spend a night in a hotel. And worst of all, when the relationship ends and my captor-lover finally moves on, I regret everything and don’t know what I want anymore.” When I’m in a relationship, I miss being single. “When I’m single, I want to be in a relationship.
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